My job isn't over and neither is yours
…my job is not over. It’s just beginning. I know now. I understand I avoided myself the realities of what is happening to my black community by only talking about it within my own community. And the repeat conversations, the repeated pain, the constant back and forth opinions thrown around contributed to my sadness. I do not like the news I do not like focusing on the negative. But why?
Because I physically and emotionally feel the heaviness within me, inside of my body. I carry on the weight of the pains. I did not understand it so much before. I know I am an empath. I know I feel energy from people without their words or even being in their physical presence. When this story and set of stories “blow” over in the news and people are in their own bubble unaffected or 1st hand experiencing the suffering what will they do? What will I do? How much time before back to ignoring inequality because the media isn’t blasting a case down our throats? But the inequality hasn’t stopped or changed, it goes back where it lives in the communities of colored people, black and brown communities. So the faces we do not see or hear about are hidden, are lost, are people that the world never knew existed. While the families are left once again broke, in pain, lost and with absolutely no justice. The murders are considered leaders who are just protecting their communities, they are tagged as heroes fighting the good fight against the bad and evil people, which the black community is painted with. The image of evil, the image of criminals, no good pieces of trash that don’t deserve to live. We all are bombarded with that message and imagery every day whether you know it or not. Since birth the world has been trained through images on tv, words of prejudice in our households, hidden racism at work by the pay gap, the recognition or lack of, and the mistreatment that is socially acceptable and down right deserving of white men who claim to have fought hard for years for what they have. And they’re right. They fought, killed, lied, stole, cheated all for their privilege. And the colored communities suffer along the way.
As white people who claim they’re not racist because well you know ‘I have black friends and I help everyone. I don’t see color.’ Well you are damn skippy you do not see. Feeling these things does not exclude you from being racist. It does not grant you a gold medal or a Pulitzer prize. It simply grants you immunity to do what you always do, nothing. To accept and be more acting of what you have always done. You have not had to fight or speak up or require better, enforce justice. You just watch you just comment you just sit in the safety of your home, your whiteness. And for that you feel justified because after all you aren’t faced with it personally. You have removed yourself from what the colored community lives everyday by granting yourself a pass of justification in what; the idea that you are a good person? Well I hear you so am I, so are my kids, so are all the black people whose lives are lost from being colored. So, I sit here and write with fire, fuel of anger once again because me to dammit, me to. I am worth living, but who will fight for me to?